How I Know He’s “The One”

flowers spelling out I Love You
image by @Doug88888

Note: Another sappy Valentine’s Day post from me this year. Who am I?

John doesn’t believe in “The One,” which is fine and sounds more harsh than it is. Specifically, he doesn’t believe two people are undeniably destined for each other, that they’re this perfectly-matched pair that the universe is set on bringing together so they can begin this beautiful, effortless relationship, and continue to mesh magically till the end of their days, living happily ever after. Which is to say, he thinks no relationship is perfect and every relationship takes a lot of hard work, compromise, sacrifice, and the like. He thinks it’s not all sunshine and rainbows and sometimes it sucks and sometimes you’re just total shit heads to each other…but you work through it.

And hey, I completely agree with him on this. It’s not always easy. There are some tough days.

But I believe. Here’s why.

He Made Me More Excited About Life

Before I met John, I was entirely content with being single–even permanently. Whatever, I had so much life to live, and none of my ideas involved a significant other. I never felt lonely or incomplete, nor was I bothered by being the only single person in a group of couples. It didn’t even cross my mind to care about that. But then I met him, and soon I had this relationship to work into my life blueprint. And I wasn’t just okay with it; I was excited about it. I was already pretty gung-ho and enthusiastic about exploring this world and finding my place in it, but everything sounded way, way more fun when I considered doing it with him. I had no idea my future could seem so much better than it already did.

I Wanted to Be Around Him and I Didn’t Even Know Him

Within, like, a day of meeting John, I knew I wanted to hang out with him and I had no idea why. I was new in Houston, and I wanted specifically him to show me the city. But why? That’s so weird. And I remember telling my sister I’d quickly realized I was doing things to get his attention, too, which baffled me. I’d strategically–but sort of subconsciously–enter a room he was in and say something random, hoping we’d get a conversation going. Again, after only about a day. Something in my brain just knew.

I Felt Way More Comfortable Around Him Than I Should Have With Someone I Barely Knew

The first time I went to his house, I came in PJs and brought a toothbrush. It was like he was a dear old friend and I knew we’d be up late and I’d just crash there. I’d been in Houston all of a month and already I was sleeping over at a buddy’s. This is my story, and yet even I realize how absurd this sounds.

Our Relationship Began With 4 Back-to-Back Dates

Okay, they weren’t really dates so much as they were just watching TV or making spiked hot chocolate. But the point is, we were together four nights in a row before we both thought, whoa, we’re spending a lot of time together. Four nights in a row? Who does that? And then we kind of just shrugged and moved on.

There Were No Games or Questions

We didn’t wait a specific amount of time to call or respond to a text. We didn’t worry about seeming pushy or needy. We didn’t think about what we were doing or analyze where this was going. It was just easy. It felt comfortable and good and right. We just went with it. No drama.

I Happily Made Exceptions for Him

I stayed up late and drank alcohol on school nights. I slept in and skipped the gym. I bent my strict diet rules for ice cream dates.  I did fun stuff on the weekends instead of laundry and work. These are things I would have never believed my ultra-disciplined self would eventually do. But I did it all with a huge smile on my face.

He Was the First Guy I Said “I Love You” To

I’m a very literal person–it used to really piss people off until I developed better social skills–and as such, I choose my words very carefully. Plus, the L word? I mean, that’s big. So I always assumed I’d know when it was love, and I’d never say it until it was. John said it first, early one morning. I was thrilled, but didn’t say it back. Again, it’s a big deal. I thought about it all day, and pretty soon I was sure–I loved him, too. He was leaving my house later that night, and I walked him to the door and gave him a hug, and said it: “I love you.” (Actually I sort of choked it out and had to repeat myself because he couldn’t understand me.) He smiled and we hugged and kissed, and he left. I walked upstairs to my bedroom, sat down…and tried not to vomit everywhere. I was shaky and light-headed. A big, big deal.

We Started Talking About Marriage, Kids, and Growing Old Together Around the 2-Month Mark

And it wasn’t weird or uncomfortable. We smiled at how crazy it would seem to other people if they knew, but it wasn’t crazy to us. We just chatted about this stuff like we were discussing what movie to go see. Not that we felt they were trivial topics, but more that it seemed reasonable and logical for us to consider these things.

He Went Home With Me to Indiana for Christmas, Also After Only 2 Months

I’m not kidding when I say the possibility of us not working out and then me awkwardly coming back alone or with someone else next year didn’t even occur to me. Nor did I think much about the fact that this was a pretty big relationship milestone to be reaching so soon. It seemed way weirder to me to not include him in my holiday festivities than it did to bring him along. Just after we made our Indiana trip plans, I did Thanksgiving with his family.

He Made Me Feel 100% Secure

At some point in our relationship, I became relatively unconcerned with how I looked around John. That’s never happened for me with any other guy. I’m not a particularly secure person, at least in terms of my physical appearance. But John consistently told me that although he thinks I’m gorgeous, it’s my heart and mind he’s in love with–and I believed him. Somehow I could just sense his sincerity…and it felt so nice.

I Moved in With Him After 5 Months

It was supposed to be temporary until I found a new apartment, but we were delighted to realize officially living together worked for us. We’ve been roomies ever since.

He’s Making Me Feel Differently About Kids

It’s not that I thought I for sure I didn’t want them, it’s just that the whole parenthood thing wasn’t super appealing to me. As I’ve fallen more and more in love with him, though, I’ve warmed up to the idea, mainly because I’m so excited to give him the babies I know he wants and see him be the fantastic daddy I know he’ll be. (I originally wrote “I can’t wait, ” but I can TOTES wait. I can wait a good, long looonnnggg while.)

He’s the Only Other Person I’d Rather Spend Time With Than Myself

I think even without any of the above, this simple fact is proof for me that John’s “The One.” I need a significant amount of alone time, and I’m naturally a major loner–so much that I think it would probably creep you out to know how long I could go without human interaction and still be perfectly happy. But aside from my required solitude, I’ll always choose being with him over being alone. I can’t say that for anyone else in this world.

So yes, I believe in “The One.” You can’t convince me there’s another person out there who could make me write all that.

Happy Valentine’s Day, y’all.

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Your thoughts?
  1. Cordelia says:

    This echoes so much of what my husband’s and my relationship was like when we first met! I am a horrible loner hermit — I could also go a shocking amount of time without social contact and feel perfectly fine. But our first date wound up lasting hours and hours, we moved in together after a few months, and at every big juncture, I never once analyzed or wondered about things — they just were, and they made absolute sense.

    I was kind of surprised, because I always thought you’d get that rom com butterflies-in-the-stomach “moment” when you find the right person, and the whole thing was so easygoing and simple I wondered if we were missing something. 7 years later, I can say we definitely were not.

    So happy for you that you’ve found your other half! Happy hearts day. 🙂

    • Cassie says:

      “I wondered if we were missing something”–YES! We do, too! But it’s so encouraging to hear you and your hubs are still going strong.

      Happy Valentine’s Day, Kelly. 🙂

  2. Perfect! I love all of this — and you!

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