What Love Feels Like

cassie-and-john

I’m taking a break from the usual badassery today to share something a little more personal. I hope you enjoy. Happy Valentine’s Day!

***

John is the first guy I ever said “I love you” to. He’s the first guy I’ve ever loved, and the first one I’ve ever been in love with.

John is not my type (or at least what I thought my type was). He is not the kind of guy typical of my dating history. I met him, and then I kept wanting to hang out with him, and I kept wanting his attention, and I had no idea why. I still don’t.

It was just love. That’s the only explanation.

I am in awe of the fact that I’m in love with him every single day. That’s not poetry; that’s the truth. Every day, I am completely blown away that this person is in my life. Before meeting John, I had accepted that being single forever was a very real possibility for me (not in a sad way; I was OK with it. It was simply a consequence of refusing to settle, and that was acceptable to me.).

I was also constantly annoyed by couples. It all seemed lame (Oh, just staying in tonight, huh? Awesome. You guys are fun.) and weird (How do you talk to a boy about stuff I thought only girlfriends talked about?) and as if paired-up people were letting go of their independence (Don’t you guys get sick of each other? Don’t you have goals and dreams that don’t involve him?). I was turned off by all of it.

And then I met John, and was like, oh…I get it now.

I’ve been wanting to put my thoughts on love in writing (because that’s what I do–put thoughts in writing) for a while now. Because, as I said, I’m still in awe. This feeling is the true definition of awesome. This is incredible.

This is what love feels like.

It Feels Impossible

The emotion is so powerful that it’s hard for me to believe any other person in this world feels it, too. I think to myself all the time, there’s just no way. There is no way there are other people out there who are feeling this, because we’d all be nuts. This is a crazy feeling, and we’d all be a bunch of crazies walking around all the time. We’d all be just gazing into each other’s eyes non-stop saying, “How did I think I was so happy before you?”

It feels like it can disrupt everything. It feels impossible.

It Feels Overwhelming

Love feels so big. And it’s a weird experience to be filled up with this big emotion you didn’t even know you were capable of having. When John has a set-back in life, it feels like my heart is breaking for him. When he returns home from a trip, my world lights up–no, actually, that happens when he returns home from work. How can another person affect me so much?

It feels like a force you can’t control. It feels overwhelming.

It Feels Unbelievable

I am amazed that I’m in love. It shocks me continuously that another person is so important to me, and makes my life so much better. But what’s truly difficult to fathom is that he feels the same way. Not only is there another human being on this planet experiencing this huge feeling, but he’s experiencing it for me. This blows my mind.

It feels like a situation your brain can’t process. It feels unbelievable.

It Feels Unconditional

A couple of months into our relationship, John and I we were shopping together. I couldn’t get into it because I felt–and more importantly, looked–exhausted. And when you look like hell, you don’t want to be in front of mirrors. I tried to explain this to him on the ride home, and he tried to explain something to me: he didn’t see any of that. He looked at me and saw beautiful. I wouldn’t have believed him, except I realized as he talked that I could definitely say the same thing–no matter what he thought he looked like, he always looked great to me.

It feels like no matter what, he’ll always love you. It feels unconditional.

***

Discuss

How would you describe love? What does it feel like to you?

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Your thoughts?
  1. Jaime says:

    Cassie! I am so happy for you!
    This post brought tears to my eyes. I had a flash back to SCM, and how our conversations about guys/dating/love haha! I’m glad you found someone that makes you so happy. You go girl 🙂
    Happy Valentine’s Day

    • Cassie says:

      JAIME! So good to hear from you. Yeah, that Cassie had no idea what this “love” thing was all about. 🙂 Miss you!!

  2. Charlene says:

    Ahh man, and there was me tryina be all bah humbug about V day 🙂

  3. Look at your very sweet side, you little bad-ass you.
    You made me tear up.
    HUG!

  4. Mak says:

    I seriously read this with a smile on my face, Cassie! Yep, even though I don’t know even know you guys. This is a beautiful description.

    For the first time in 25 years, I realized that I could be single for the rest of my life and be okay with it. So, I know what you mean by that.

    Way to be vulnerable yet able to fully express this!

    • Cassie says:

      Thanks so much, Mak! Yep, I was 25 when I realized being single forever would be OK with me…and I met John just a few months later. I’ve said before I think that’s when it’s easiest to find your person — when you’re not looking, and just totally cool with yourself and your life.

  5. Ann says:

    Love AB! Love this post!! Love you!
    ~Ann

  6. Tiffani says:

    You guys are an anomaly in the best possible sense. I truly believe it’s happenings like this that make the life we live so briefly absolutely beautiful. We get so caught up in careers and events that we forget it’s the small things that end up being the most important. There’s something to be said for smiles across a room. I live for those if for nothing else.

    • Cassie says:

      I LOVE SO MUCH ABOUT THIS COMMENT. I just bounced around between three different parts to highlight as my favorite — this is good shit.

  7. Cat says:

    Hi Cassie
    I Googled how to decrease your appetite and stumbled upon your blog and this post……I can so relate. found my fiance after years of being single and he was also SO not my type either 🙂
    Cat

    • Cassie says:

      Thanks for stopping by, Cat. Yeah, funny how that works, huh? Both of us would have never picked each other on paper, and yet, for some reason, we work.

  8. Pam Fergus says:

    How wonderful x

  9. samoine says:

    hi i am happy 4 u 2 good luck girl

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